Life Change

Yet another new phase in life is starting for me. Not one that I wanted, or saw coming, but has come like a slap in the face.
One day after Trae's surgery, I recieved some news via email, that I really never saw coming. I hesitate to even write about it, because I feel so ashamed by it. But, writing it is easier than telling people one at a time. Basically, it comes down to this: I am not going to graduate in May.
I don't even really know how it happened. Everything was going along fine until the end of my last rotation. I guess the stress of Trae's surgery coming up and Chad being layed off from his job just got the best of me. I finished the semester 1 point below passing.
I have spent the last 2 weeks going from feeling crushed and like the last year and a half of my life was wasted, to feeling totally relieved. Now, even as I write this, and everytime someone brings it up, I get teary, kicking myself for the one or 2 answers I should have changed on my final that would have saved me. The truth is, I am devistated.
On the bright side, there is a chance that I can still graduate in 2010. If there is a spot, I can join the 2 year students in the fall and repeat my second year. But I wont know if I have a spot in this class until July. If there is no room, then I will have to start over, and take both years over again. Until July, I plan on getting my CNA liscence and start working somewhere to keep up my nursing skills so I can be better prepared when I finally do graduate...someday.
So, maybe God has His hand in all this, I don't know anymore. Chad and I just have had so much crap come flying at us lately, I just wonder what will come next. Who knows?

Crazy Weekend

Last weekend started on Friday about 1 in the afternoon, when I got a phone call from Chad. He told me he was having chest pain pretty badly, and was going in to Proctor First Care.
"Um, no you're not! Go to the ER!" (me)
"Are you sure I should?" (Chad)
"YES! If you go to Proctor, they will just send you to the ER anyway!" (me)
So, after 2 sprays of nitro, he started feeling a lot better. However, they did end up admitting him because of his extensive cardiac history and the fact that he was in a-fib. (Atrial Fibrillation)
The cardiologist told us that he wanted us to stay for observation for 24 hours, and amazingly enough, we ended up being there exactly 24 hours! After all his blood tests, and a stress echo came back fine, they let us go home.
It really got me thinking about my nursing career, though. For the past year, I have known that my cardiac rotation was coming up (this fall semester). I really thought that it would be really hard for me to go through that rotation. Because, of course, of the situations that 3 of the 4 men in my life face everyday. I didn't think I even wanted to hear about it. But, being by Chad's bedside, seeing the meds they put him on, the tests they ordered, and watching his heartrate and other vitals, it really became just the opposite for me. I wanted to know everything I could learn about. I went home and looked up all his meds, including IV meds, and figured out why he was on each one of them. I read all I could about A-fib and angina (chest pain) in my nursing books.
So, anyway, I'm not 100% on this yet, but I think I want to be a cardiac nurse. I would love to be able to go to Trae and Riley's appointments and talk to the doctor in a way that Chad has no idea what we are talking about! :) That doesn't change the fact that I am still scared to death and completely thankful that I still have a year left of someone constantly looking over my shoulder. But, now when people ask me what I want to do with my nursing education, I have an answer for them! Yaa!